Even If

I've been mulling over what to write about for several weeks now. I've had this idea of writing about how content I've been lately in my singleness. I'd think about it periodically and never get the chance to write it out. I really thought I was feeling content, and then last week I totally lost it one night. It's been a while since I've cried over being single, but for some reason it hit me hard last week.

Even now, I'm not sure what to write.

I was listening to a sermon on singleness recently and was reminded by the pastor that some people have been created to be single. It's not that anything is wrong with them (which I sometimes wonder about myself--a lie I have to not listen to) it is just what the Lord has planned for those people. And sometimes I wonder if I'm one of those people. That is a hard thing for me to swallow. I've always just assumed I'd get married and have kids.

I've been praying a lot about this. Praying that my heart would be ok with whatever God has planned for my life. The most recent Mercy Me song "Even If" has really helped me as I've been working through this.

I know You're able and I know You canSave through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone 

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I tear up just about every time I hear this song, but it's been good.  I need the reminder that God can do anything and that no matter what He chooses to do with my life my hope is in Him. Whether I'm single or married and have children God is on His throne and He is enough.

So as I live day to day and follow the path God has for me I will work at spending quality time in God's Word. I need my focus to be on Him and less on myself. I don't want to become a bitter single woman. I know a few of those and it isn't pretty. I want to be a woman who seeks after God and shows God's love to all around her. I want people to look at me and see Jesus.