Saturday, July 29, 2017

Even If

I've been mulling over what to write about for several weeks now. I've had this idea of writing about how content I've been lately in my singleness. I'd think about it periodically and never get the chance to write it out. I really thought I was feeling content, and then last week I totally lost it one night. It's been a while since I've cried over being single, but for some reason it hit me hard last week.

Even now, I'm not sure what to write.

I was listening to a sermon on singleness recently and was reminded by the pastor that some people have been created to be single. It's not that anything is wrong with them (which I sometimes wonder about myself--a lie I have to not listen to) it is just what the Lord has planned for those people. And sometimes I wonder if I'm one of those people. That is a hard thing for me to swallow. I've always just assumed I'd get married and have kids.

I've been praying a lot about this. Praying that my heart would be ok with whatever God has planned for my life. The most recent Mercy Me song "Even If" has really helped me as I've been working through this.
I know You're able and I know You canSave through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone 
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I tear up just about every time I hear this song, but it's been good.  I need the reminder that God can do anything and that no matter what He chooses to do with my life my hope is in Him. Whether I'm single or married and have children God is on His throne and He is enough.

So as I live day to day and follow the path God has for me I will work at spending quality time in God's Word. I need my focus to be on Him and less on myself. I don't want to become a bitter single woman. I know a few of those and it isn't pretty. I want to be a woman who seeks after God and shows God's love to all around her. I want people to look at me and see Jesus.

Saturday, July 08, 2017

Kickin' it with the Cows 5k

Today was a big day!
Today I am checking another thing off of my 40x40!
Today I ran/walked a 5k!

I am so excited that I did this! I've been working for months to meet this goal. I ran about half of the 3.1 miles. 6 months ago I wouldn't have been able to run that much. I'm totally fine with how much I ran. My goal was to finish. I had no idea how long it would take me so I had no goal of a time. I thought it'd take me an hour and it only took me 45 min. So I was pleasantly surprised.

I ran with a good friend and her daughter. She was so kind and stuck with me even though I walked so much. She set goals as we ran and pushed me to keep going. I feel so blessed by her friendship!

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Who Me?!

Who is this person?! 
I've never met her before! 
She is running multiple times a week? 
And not running from a monster chasing her...just running? 
Say what?! 

I never dreamt I'd be running as much as I am right now. I hated running the mile in high school. And here I ran (and walked) almost 2 miles last night? Cra-zy! 
I'm so excited to be working toward this goal of running in a 5k! 
And I'm super proud of myself too! 

End of the School Year Thoughts

It doesn't feel like it should be the end of the school year. We only have a week and a half left of school and it just doesn't seem like it to me. Maybe I'm in denial. I'm actually really sad to let my 2nd graders move up to 3rd grade. They have been the sweetest class. But at least I'll have my 1st graders for another year. That is the silver lining. God has been so good to me this year. I love my kiddos. Sure we've had ups and downs, but overall they are such a good group. Between the 2 grades I have 3 sets of siblings which in some cases would cause problems. Not with this group!
What I'm most looking forward once school is out is my parents coming for a month. I'm in desperate need of some family time. I've been missing my family a lot lately. I need a hug from my mom and to curl up next to my dad on the couch watching a movie.

Sunday, May 07, 2017

Missing Church

       Missing church again this morning. Last week I was babysitting and I decided to keep the kids home. This morning I woke up with a splitting headache that had symptoms of a migraine. Thankfully after falling back to sleep my head started feeling better. But I opted to stay home in case the symptoms came back. I didn't want to be away from home feeling the way I was feeling this morning.
       As I'm sitting here missing church, and I mean really wishing I were there right now, I'm feeling thankful that I'm missing it. Hah! That sounds funny!
       So funny when one word can have two meanings. Let me try again. I'm thankful that I'm feeling sad to not be there. I love going to church. I love singing the songs, being around the people, and hearing the message.
       Six months ago this was not the case. Six months ago I went to church every week because I had to. I was committed to singing so I was there. I liked singing, but I was getting burned out. I cared about the people which is why I kept going. And during the messages I hardly paid attention. I spent a lot of time during the messages searching for topical verses. One week it was "one anothers." Another week "fear." You get the idea.
       So as I'm missing church today I'm pretty thankful for the church I am attending now. Thankful that God led me to go there and thankful for how He is growing me under the teaching there.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Reupholstered Loveseat

100s of staples + 1 huge blister + multiple straight pin stabbings + almost 10 yards of fabric = a wonderful result! 
I did it! I did it! I did it!

This was at times a very tough project. But I am so excited about the result. The final picture doesn't really do it justice since it was the evening. The new fabric is a charcoal gray. Just have to put new batting in the cushions and then it will be officially done. It saved me so much $ to cover this on my own instead of purchasing a new one. I'm so happy with it! 
The hardest part of reupholstering was getting the cushions covered right. The corners aren't perfect, but I'm ok with them. I already have most of the fabric to reupholster my couch next! Going to wait a few days before I start it. The goal is to have it finished by the end of May. If I'm diligent in working on it I can totally do it! 

Monday, April 10, 2017

Tired = Emotional

For whatever reason Sunday nights are a hard night of sleep for me. Last night was a prime example. I'm pretty tired right now and it is quarter to 7. The problem with being this tired is that I start feeling emotional.
Found out one of my students got saved today...I cried.
My dad helped me finish the song I've been using for scripture memory in my class...I cried.
I posted on facebook about how thankful I am for my sister...I cried.
I looked through old pics of friends and family to find pics of my sister and I and came across a bunch of great memories...I cried.

Don't worry I'm not just sitting here on my couch blubbering. But tears of thankfulness to our great God are definitely filling my eyes right now. God is so good to me!

...and I'm going to bed early tonight.

Monday, April 03, 2017

Condemnation vs. Conviction

       The day I finish this Bible study will be a very sad day for me. I'm not sure that I have ever been as impacted by a Bible study as I have been by this one. I've never had this great desire to deepen my walk with the Lord as I have in the last few weeks. Thankful that the Lord took a hold of my heart the way He did and opened by ears to hear Him calling to me.
       I'm wondering if I can even put into words what I've come away with from today's lesson. This week's section is about the character of God and today's lesson was entitled "Loving." As a child I was told over and over again that God is love. He does not just love. He is love. I've heard and memorized 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 many times I'm sure. Sometimes when you hear a verse so much you become dull to it's meaning. In this passage God gives us a list of what love is and what it isn't. And since God is love it is what He is and isn't. 
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentfulit does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all thingsendures all thingsLove never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

       I've highlighted in red what love is and in green what love isn't. I've always thought of these verses and telling me how I should or shouldn't act. And while that is true it is also a reminder of what is truly of God. God is never cause us to feel any of those green highlighted words. He will always move us towards the red words. 
This is all a good point, but it isn't totally what the lesson was about, so let me get back on track. 
       The lesson was really focusing on guilt. Pricilla talked about for a time she really struggled with guilty over poor choices she made in college. While I don't feel like I've made any major, life altering poor choices in my life I have things that I struggle with feeling guilty over. Things that if I tried to explain them to you they would sounds silly and unimportant, but in my head I still feel guilty over them. Things that could go from elementary school all the way to a week ago. I try letting go of them because I know the Lord has forgiven me, but still every once in a while they come back to mind. And at the most random times too. "His {God's} goal is never to bring guilt and condemnation by continually reminding me of my past sins but rather bring healing and obedience by turning my attention to my future with Him."
"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold I will do something new." Is. 43:18-19
       How often do I dwell on the past when I can be thinking on my future with Christ? Far too often! God isn't looking down on me bringing my sins to mind to condemn me. That is the work of the Enemy. "You will know condemnation because it brings guilt and offer no clear means of relief. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit brings conviction that always provides a road map out and away from a specific sin. His aim is always to lovingly steer us in the direction of His grace." He gives grace and love despite what we have done because to the very core He is love. Isn't that so amazing?! 
"The purpose of the voice of condemnation is to push you away from His presence -- that which is the very source of your victory. The purpose of the voice of conviction is to press you into the face of Christ." -- Bob Sorge
       This last quote really resounded with me tonight. As those thoughts of guilt creep into my mind I need to be aware and think "Is this drawing me closer to Christ? Or is this guilt pushing me away from Him?" Listen to God's voice, it will bring conviction and encouragement...not condemnation and guilt.  

Aahhhh! My brain is so on overload right now! But in a good way. :)  

God is Faithful

Thankful for tangible ways that God reminds me of His faithfulness. Moments of stretching and drawing me closer to Him. Brokenness and joy. Tears and laughter...lots of laughter. God has been so good to me. The mug reminds me of a friend and causes me to pray for her. The bookmark brings me back to a trip to Peru. To friends I most likely will never see again this side of heaven. I may never see them again, but the bookmark reminds me to pray for them wherever they are and whatever they are doing. Though it may have been 10 years ago and I may not even remember their names I do remember the impression they left on me. Their love for the children they worked with and their desire to spread the Gospel. Oh, that I may make an impact on someone else's life like they did on mine.