Am I being faithful?

Am I being faithful?

Moses and Jeremiah are two examples of men whom God called to do great things and they claimed they weren't good enough. How often do I claim that in regards to myself?

Um, yeah, a lot.

I let fear and thoughts of lack of ability get in the way of sharing the gospel. The author of my devotional book reminded me today how wrong I am.

"It's not a question of who we are and our abilities; it's a question of the Lord's presence. God's abiding presence helps us overcome obstacles to our mission." (The Gospel Project: Chronological; Volume 5) 

What is our mission?

Matthew 28:19-20
"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

So here I am. I know the command God has given to me. I know that His presence is with me. But still I am so afraid of failing. I'm afraid of being laughed at, ignored, rejected, and thought poorly of. Notice something wrong with that sentence? I'll give you a hint: it's the pronoun.

I.

That's the problem. I've made it all about me. It's not me they are rejecting and laughing at. Here I am focusing on myself when it is not all about me. Again my devotional shows me how goofy my fears are about sharing the gospel.

"Success in God's eyes is measured less by results and more by faithfulness. When we are faithful to say what God has called us to say to whom God has called us to say it, then the mission is successful. We have been faithful to the Lord." (The Gospel Project: Chronological; Volume 5) 

So I as myself again...

Am I being faithful?

Getting Back into the Word

Such a blessing to dive into God's Word this morning. I've been struggling in my time in the Word. Struggling as in I've not been reading it. It's been terrible.

But today is a new day.

I loved the reminder my devotional book had for me this morning.

God created me intentionally. My gifts, talents, quirks, fears, short-comings, and faults are all part of how God planned me. It isn't that He wants me to have these fears or faults and be miserable, but I have them for a reason. He wants me to rely on Him. It is all to bring Him glory!

Picture Day

Earlier in the school year I missed picture day, so a few weeks ago I had to do picture retakes. It is probably my least favorite day of the school year. I don't usually like how I look in school pictures. I always feel like I look more overweight than I feel. This year the photographer was sweet and let me look at my pic and retake it when I told her I didn't like my double chin. So I "turtled it" per her recommendation. Embarrassing, but effective. Still didn't love the picture, but it was better than the first try. 

I really struggle with my body image. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. I've recently become more imaginative and brave in my clothing choices which is helping with my confidence. But I still feel like I am so overweight.  And instead of being motivated to do something about it I'm sitting on my couch watching tv. I'm my own worst enemy. 

But I do have to say I've come a long way. I came across the picture on the left the other day and was shocked. It was from a family photoshoot about 5 years ago. At the time I didn't realize how much weight I had put on. It wasn't long after that that I worked really hard at getting my eating under control. The picture on the right is from within the last few months. 

I think I need to look at these pictures side by side every once in a while to remember how I looked before. 

Look for the Good

This has been a rough week. I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster over the last 5 days. I've laughed, cried, snapped, apologized, cried more, and laughed more. All of that and not necessarily in that order. Then along with all of that come the feelings of insecurity, guilt, loneliness, and people pleasing (which really relates to the insecurity). My house needs to be cleaned and here I am laying on my couch in my pjs watching Project Runway.
Good thing tomorrow is Friday. I'm exhausted! I'm so ready to have next week off of work!

As I'm writing I'm reminded to look for good in every day.

• I was super close reading my 10K steps today! 
• Grandma is moved to a new room with the attention she needs in the stage of dementia she is in. 
• I was able to laugh and share some great stories of Carol McCleod with a coworker today. 
• My students are quickly and easily learning their new Bible verses! So thankful that the Lord directed me to teach our memory verses through songs. 

Sometimes you just need to stop and look for the good. God is good! 

In Memory of My Grandpa

Yesterday marks 2 years that the Lord called my Grandpa to be home in heaven with Him. I have such mixed feelings of my grandpa being gone. On one hand I miss him terribly and wish he were here to say "Goodnight Sweetie" to me every night and watch The Andy Griffith Show with. But on the other hand I know that in heaven he is having a wonderful time. He has a new perfect body and is loving being in the presence of the Lord. 

My grandpa was a really neat guy. Not everyone knew that. He was very quiet. But those who knew him well knew how great he was. He loved is wife and would do anything for her. He loved his children and showed great pride in his grandchildren. He worked hard, and I mean hard, all of his life. He was dedicated to his church. He loved music. And he loved to laugh. It was so fun to see him full on laughing and wiping tears from his eyes. But really even his chuckle and shaking of the head was worth the effort. 

Even to the end of his life those character traits showed. He was a wonderful example of what a husband, father, and friend should be like. 

I'm especially missing him right now. He was a die-hard Cubs fan. And he would be so thrilled to see his Cubbies in the World Series tonight. I'd like to think that he is in heaven cheering them on, but in all honesty I think he's enjoying the Lord more than he would his baseball team right now. So, in loving memory of him I will don his favorite Cubs hat this week and cheer on his team! 

I love you, Grandpa, and miss you dearly! 

Go Cubs Go! 

Flight Over Wisconsin!

If I ever say that my life here in Wisconsin is boring then I am a big-old-liar! I've experienced so many things here that I don't think I ever would have done before! Today a cousin of mine took me for a ride in his airplane. IT WAS SO FUN!! I wasn't nervous about flying with him. I was more afraid of it being bumpy and feeling sick. But it wasn't bumpy at all. He even let me fly for a few seconds!! How cool is that?! He tried scaring me a few times with sharp turns (which he warned me about right before each one) but I wasn't scared. He told me after that I am fearless. :) I totally have an adrenaline rush from it! I saw my house, church, school, several homes of people I know, and the my grandpa's lake! We even went far enough that we could see Lake Michigan.
The fall leaves looked incredible from the sky! That was the main reason I asked him if I could go with him. And I wasn't disappointed! I'm so glad that God allows us experiences like that to see His amazing creation! God's love for me is so great! 

So...Much...Fun!!!

 

Ouch That Hurt

Seriously, people.
Be careful what words come out of your mouth!
Words can hurt.
Words can sting.
Words can stay with you for a looooonnnnngggg time.

Just 1 sentence out of your mouth can make or break someone's day.

Clearly this happened to me recently.

There are people like me who overthink the words that come out of my mouth and others who don't think at all about what comes out. There has to be a balance.

But unfortunately there will always be people whose words just eat at you. Regretfully I've been the one to sting another with my words before. And I hate how I feel afterwards.

The hard thing is that there are some people who just don't know how their words make people feel. They have no clue.

What do you do? How do you respond? Do the words roll off your back? Do you confront them or just walk away?

I pray.
Ask a friend to pray.
And find something to do to distract me from the sting of the words.

40x40 - Cubs' game CHECK!

It just occurred to me that I can cross something off my 40x40 list!! 

This summer I went to a Cubs game! It was such a fun game! Of course I was rooting for my SF Giants. But I also was thinking so much of my Grandpa while I was there. He would have loved that I had been to that game. He LOVED the Cubbies! A good friend of mine got of free tickets to the game so we had a fun weekend in Chicago right before school started.

Bring on the Chapstick!

It's beginning to be that time of year again.
The time of year when I have a chapstick everywhere. My purse, desk, bathroom, nightstand, and pocket of every coat I could possibly wear. I should buy stock in chapstick. Once it starts getting cool and dry here my lips dry out. Now my problem is that I need to find all of the ones I had last year and put them where I need them. Hmmm...what purse did I use last year?
On a completely different note, I have been feeling so thankful lately. All summer long I feel like I was having a pity party about friends. 2 years ago I moved away from my close friends and over the last year 2 of my closest friends in Wisconsin moved away. And I was really feeling sorry for myself. But you know what, just this week God has been showing me how incredibly blessed I am. I really do have so many friends here. It's different now, because I don't have one super close friend that I hang out with almost all week, but I have friends! A couple friends have been so great and started inviting me to go and do things with their families or even just hang out with them in the evenings. I had that in California, but hadn't had here until now. So thankful for these friendships! God is so good to me!

Baby Quilt #?

Working on a pretty cute quilt if I might say myself! Just have to finish up the binding then it will be ready to send off to a sweet new little baby! I love the color combo on this one! I really do love quilting. I'm not a perfectionist like most quilters. My corners aren't all perfectly lined up. But you have to look pretty close to notice it. AND I'm very proud of myself (!), except for the backing and binding, I used all fabric that I had on hand! Yay! All that collecting of fabric has paid off for this quilt!

Here we go again!

I'm not too thrilled with how I've been taking care of my body lately. I've been eating everything and anything. And I feel awful! I'm afraid to step on the scale because I know I've gained at least 5 pounds and I'm afraid it is more than that. I'm trying to be better about using my treadmill at night which is good, but I haven't been consistent yet. I'm ready for a change!
Starting tonight (after I run to the grocery store) I'll be starting my Whole30 diet again. I felt so good when I was following that diet. It definitely takes a lot of time, but it is so worth it!  It's time I felt that good again. My lunch is not following it because I was out of town for the weekend so I still need to get a few things from the store. But once I get to the store there will be no more sugar, no more gluten, no more beans, and no more dairy.
I know I can do this!
NO excuses!

Aunt Jamie

God is so good to me! At times it is hard for me to see my friends with their families. Having a husband and kids is something I had thought I would have by now, but for some reason that is not was God had planned for this season in my life. Instead of having my own kids I've been so blessed to have friends with kids. Their kids have become so dear to me. Just like my niece, they are family to me. Some of them even call me Aunt Jamie. It may be that Aunt Jamie will be the only title I get in my life, and if that is the case I know that God will lead me through that. It's kind of a hard thing to think about. So for now I'm focusing on how thankful I am that the Lord has allowed me the privilege of being a part of these kids lives!

A Letter to the Spider in My Shower

Dear Spider,
Was it really necessary to make your home in my shower? I realize that I have gone for a few days, but the corner of my shower was a very rude place to build your web. I was quite distracted by you while I was trying to wash my hair.
Then on top of that you started to descend from the ceiling?! Really?! Why did you need to do that? I was very sorry to have to grab my Norwex body cloth and squish you. Sorry only because I had to use my nice cloth, not sorry that I killed you.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Painting

 I have been loving painting this year! It really has become a way for me to relax. Honestly, I usually copy something I see on pinterest, but for now that is ok. So far I've kept almost everything I've painted. My new craft room is decorated with my art work. And just a month ago I finally framed a piece of my artwork. About a year ago I painted a horse. It is one of my favorites so far and I found a great frame for it at Michaels craft store. I'm so thankful that the Lord allows us to be creative and enjoy fun projects like painting and being crafty! 

Hide God's Word in Your Heart

When I asked the Lord to help me make time to complete my Bible study lessons for the week I did have in mind sitting in the ER to do it. But that's what happened yesterday. I got a call from Grandma's Assisted Living home and left school early to meet Grandma at the ER. (She's doing ok now. Much better actually.) Not how I had planned out my Monday, but that is what the Lord had for me yesterday. Thankfully I had my Beth Moore study with me and was able to complete 2 days worth of my study. I was reminded of the importance of learning Scripture. I'm always telling my students how important it is to memorize Scripture, but am I practicing what I preach? If I'm honest, not regularly.

"Sometimes we don't know Scripture has taken root in us until we realize, in light of a particular circumstance, it was there, written in our hearts preparing us to navigate the moment. That particular word was alive in us and changed the way we acted or reacted in that impossible situation."

Such a good reminder. In the Beth Moore study I'm in she is suggesting that we memorize the entire book of 2nd Timothy! That seems so hard to me! I'm not sure if I should try to do it?! It seems impossible. Like something I'd give up on after a week of trying. Or I'd get busy and forget about it. On the other hand, the results of memorizing such a large portion of Scripture would be so beneficial. Still not sure what I will do. I just know I need to start memorizing scripture again.

I heart Saturdays!

What a great day! 

Woke up this morning without an alarm clock. And actually slept in till 7! 

Enjoyed my coffee and vegged for a while. 

Baked cookies (from a package, not from scratch...but they were still tastey). 

Started dinner in my crockpot.

Organized a Mother/Son kickball game which completely stressed me out until it started. Then it was fantastic! The kids and their moms had a great time. It is going to become an annual thing for our school. 

Ate lunch and a couple of cookies. 

And now I'm watching a movie and working on special gifts for some friends back home. 

A baby quilt in the works.
I want to get this one done before I work on my new niece's quilt. 

This is my second cutting board gift for a wedding present.
I love how it turned out! Simple yet classy. 

I love Saturdays like this. I'm feeling so relaxed and the sun is shining outside! 

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of this day! 

(and my crockpot meal is smelling really good right now!) 

A Summer Job Haiku

My Summer Job Haiku

Chainsaws are purring

Tree branches tremble and shake

I sit in the truck

Haha! I thought of that while I sat in the truck today! 

Motivation!

I love my new Irma! 

In the spring I discovered Lularoe clothes. They are super cute, but a tad on the pricy side. I bought a pair of the leggings which are so so comfy and just recently bought an Irma tunic. Wow! I could wear that all the time! And I feel so pretty in it! Unfortunately it's a little too humid to be wearing it right now. I wore it on Saturday and did ok while I went shopping, but later it was too hot to have on anymore.

Ha! This makes it look like I
can't walk in a straight line! 

I really want to buy one of the dresses, but I'm kinda in between sizes right now so I don't want to take the chance of getting the wrong size and then there is the cost to consider as well. I have to say though it has caused me to think twice before I buy clothes at other stores. I'll contemplate getting something and then put it back because I'd rather save up for something from Lularoe. So I'm saving up to get a dress sometime this fall. But before I can do that I've told myself that I have to lose a little weight first. None of this in between sizes thing. So, I took some babysitting money I got recently and bought myself a Fitbit. I've been wanting one for a long time. Not a fancy one, just the Fitbit flex. One of the perks of it is that it tracks my exercise. I'm a visual person so seeing how much I walk really encourages me in my exercising. And I love that it tells me when I hit mile markers! When I finished my walk at 2.57 miles the other night I was so excited!! That night I did 3 laps around my usual route and boy was I sweating! It felt so good though! I've lost 3 pound since I got my Fitbit and I'm excited to keep it up!
So between the love of these clothes and the Fitbit I'm hoping this gives me the kick in the pants I need to get in better shape. Next month I'll focus on what I'm eating. Back to the whole30 for me. I took a break this summer because it would be way too hard with my summer job.
Here's to going down a dress size (I can totally do this!)!

Keeping God as the true King

       As I said in my last post, one of the perks of my job is that I have time to sit and read while I'm waiting in the truck for the phone to ring or to head to the next job. Some days I feel guilty about that and other days I remember that that was why I was hired and it is a blessing from the Lord. I've been able to have some great times in Scripture and for that I am extremely thankful. A few weeks ago I finished the Gospel Project study guide that I had been going through and it took me a while to order then next one. Technically it is meant to use with a group, but I do it on my own and I don't really follow the schedule they print in the book. Anyway, I finally got around the ordering the summer study guide (I ordered the fall one too so I'm ready when I finish this one) and it came in the mail this week. 

       Can I just tell you, God's timing is amazing! The first lesson was something I needed to read today. It applied to multiple things I was dealing throughout the week. It jumped right in to 1 Samuel 8 when Israel is demanding to have a king. The elders went to Samuel told him that they wanted a king just like other nations. Samuel didn't hold anything back and told them that is was not going to go the way they wanted it to and Israel still said they wanted a king. 

       Now, I could read this and just gloss over it saying Israel come on that was a stupid decision. I wouldn't have done that! They had God as their King and chose to give someone else that job. I would never do that! 

       Then I was asked the questions: "What are some things that make you feel secure? What are the signs that we are trusting in these things for our security and not in God alone?"

       Oh boy, once I read those questions multiple insecurities came flooding to my mind from this week alone. The day I cried to my mom over the phone about not making enough money. When in reality my bills are getting paid. Or when I was struggling with loneliness while at an event with a bunch of people. I am no better than Israel. 

       "Every life has a "king." A king in your life is whatever you must have in order to be happy and secure. And kings make all of their subjects into servants...You are either submitted to Someone who brings life--God--or you are enslaved to something that brings death."

       "When people who have been redeemed by Christ look to things in this world for protection, security, and validation, they start to look like everyone else. Forgetting their identity and the love that comes from a restored relationship with God, they become bound to a "king" they think will satisfy them. This is not what God intended for His people. This is not what He intends for you. He wants you to know the love and assurance that comes from knowing Christ. He doesn't want you to obsess over things in this world that hold only empty promises."

       I really needed that kick this weekend to get my focus back in the right place and make sure I keep God as my king and not let those other things sneak in there to take His place. 

Summer Job

Well, my summer job is fully underway. This job is totally and completely different than anything I've ever done. I'm a secretary. A secretary who works out of a Dodge Ram. Not every secretary can say that! I answer the phone, write out estimate forms and receipts, make deposits at the bank, shop at Fleet Farm, drive the truck which is usually pulling an aerial lift, rake leaves (sometimes), buy blueberries (when my boss is having a craving) and sit in the truck. Most of the time I'm sitting in the truck. The only way that this relates to teaching is that some of the guys I work with act like junior highers.
There have been some jobs we've been at that I've had nothing to do but sit and wait for the phone to ring. That can get boring. So I've started taking my devotions with me. I've been going through the Gospel Project workbook. I'm totally behind, but still really like it. I've really enjoyed the time doing this at work. Sure there are times when I have to stop to move the truck or answer the phone, but that's ok. Here are a few things that stood out to me today.

"Sometimes we desire to escape difficult circumstances when God desires for us to interpret them and learn from them. God's plan is not just to bring relief but also to bring about growth in His people. Holiness is more important than absence of pain. If holiness truly becomes our greatest desire, then there is even profit from pain because we know God uses our trials to shape and equip us."

"No matter how inadequate we may feel, God sees us and says "Mighty Warriors!"

"The point of the story of Gideon and the fleece is to reveal God's patience with us when we find it hard to trust Him. God is willing to stoop down and reassure us when we are afraid."

"In response to God's grace, we are to answer God's call to service and trust in Him to empower our obedience."